A hilariously silly festival within a festival! Join the experts of idiocy for workshops, sing-songs, games and a heavy dose of irony. If you are a born silly billy, this is the place to be!

MUSICAL EVENTS

Gospel House Choir – Fri: 7pm & Sat/Sun: 1pm
Want to sing the house gospel classic ‘Stand on the Word’ in glorious harmony? We’ll learn it together. Invite your friends to Sunday’s final performance. May manage to pull together a band for that…no promises.

Not Yoga – Sat/Sun 10am
There’s nothing like yoga in the morning. And this is nothing like Yoga in the morning. Enjoy some Jazzy instrumental piano tunes and lunge towards a bacon sandwich (not included). Perhaps perform the downward look, the tired yawn or some gentle finger exercises. It’s chilled, it’s relaxed. It’s not yoga.

Morning Anthem / Glorious Games: Sat/Sun 11am
Learn to sing the Ivor Cutler 1967 classic ‘Good Morning, how are you? Shut up!’. Fun for all the family. Prepares you for the day of frivolity ahead. (We will not be held responsible for your kids singing ‘Shut up’ at you henceforth). Swiftly followed by Gloria’s many various and somewhat silly games. Bring your silly!

A Glorious Singsong – Sat/Sun: 2.30pm
Uke in hand, The Urbane Poet Julie Hall Hall will transform into her alter ego Gloria to lead adults and kids alike into a singsong of both epic and unexpected proportions.

Mademoiselle Maurage’s Wonky-Tonk Piano Pop Parlour – Sat/Sun: 3pm
Kids singalongs. Disney, Katy Perry, Bruno Mars, Taylor Swift, that guy who was in that programme at New Year.. All the toppermost poppermost songs, curated by 8 year old Minnie and played on a REAL piano by Papa Maurage.

Hip-Hop – the kids don’t stop! – Sun: 4pm
I don’t know about you, but when my kid sings Grandmaster Flash lyrics, it makes me very proud. Now, you can be proud too! Bring your child (preferably reading age, or you’ll have to feed them lines) and we’ll help them bust some classic 90s lyrics (safe versions obvs.) while the crowd provides the beatbox and JJ plays the basslines. Hip-Hop parents may take over ONLY after a full kids verse (show off’s only once we’ve done the cute bit).

Drum n Bass Musical Statues – Fri/Sat: 6pm
Obvs. Needs no explanation.

Monsieur Maurage’s Wonky-Tonk Singsongs
25 min tightly themed piano sing-song sets. Requests always welcomed, even if off-piste.

Rave Anthems – Sat: 5pm
N-Joi, Alison Limerick, Black Box. You know the score. Throw some shapes, stack some shelves. Leave it at that though, yeah?

Power Ballads – Sat: 7pm
Get ready to gesticulate wildly while trying to hit Meatloaf (RIP) and Celine Dion’s highest notes. Bonnie Tyler, Starship, Christopher Cross and Foreigner. Please note, there is no guilt to this pleasure.

90s RnB and Garage – Sun: 7pm
From the UK’s Craig David all over your ‘boing’ to TLC’s aversion to wearing appropriate medical clothing by way of Kanye, Blackstreet and Alicia Keys.

 

SMIRKSHOP EVENTS (like workshops but stupider)

Unhelpful Advice Bureau – Sat/Sun: 11.30am
Got a pressing issue you’d like some useless advice about? Come and tell us your issue and we’ll leave you none the wiser.

Garden of…
Daily guided sessions where we sit in a circle with our eyes closed and fail to meditate, because let’s face it, it’s quite hard right?

The Garden of Procrastination – Sat: 12noon
Like meditating, but the opposite. Come and get frustrated about something you keep meaning to do but haven’t done. Join us in group guided procrastination where we’ll take a deep dive into wasting time talking about something you haven’t done when you could have been doing it instead. Finish by eating a healthy dollop of ‘who cares’ and forgetting what it was you wanted to do in the first place.

The Garden of Delectation – Sun: 12noon
Mediation is great. Silence. Love it. But cake? Cake wins. A session of cake based mediation. We’ll talk about our favourite cake and why we love it, and then we’ll meditate on our chosen cake. Imagine luxuriating in its velvety loveliness while we chant together in unison ‘nom’.

Poor Face Painting – Sat/Sun: 12.30pm
Completely free but completely awful. Please don’t request something specific as we’re incapable of anything recognisable.

Drop off Your Dad – Sat/Sun: 2pm
Dad getting stressy? Leave him for 25 mins of quiet time. He can listen to the radio, or maybe leaf through the paper. Limited discussion acceptable as long as it’s to the point. Cardigans available on request. Mobiles must only be used as phones.

Mums Aloud (and only Mums) Sat/Sun: 3.30pm
Dad’s aren’t the only ones who get a time out from festival family fun. Drop Mum off, ideally with a cocktail and…I’ll be honest, I don’t know what happens because I’m a man. I won’t be there. I don’t think they’ll sit there quietly like the men, but what do I know?

Celebrity Speed Dating – Sat: 4pm
Welcome to the circle. You will be given a celebrity name as a sticker on your back. Chat with the other celebrities and try and work out who you are. If you think you know, stand on the step of truth and say ‘I AM…’ to the group who will tell you in no uncertain terms.

Plaiting hair for Dads – Sun: 5pm
Struggling with this hair staple? Come and learn from the pros. Remember to bring your child.

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